Cass here:

I'm thinking about sexy spaces, and play events and such. Fetish Nights. It seems to me that the norm for these nights is ... heavy. Like not "heavy" as in "overweight" (that's a whole nother subject) but heavy like - serious. If most play parties were human beings, I would not be going on a date with them. You know? It's nothing personal, and it's not a judgement against them, I'm just lusty for a different kind of party.

What do I like in a party? It's kind of like what I like in a person - Playful, fun, silly, charismatic, funky, bighearted, vivacious and colourful. I'm noticing that the majority of events that I've attended (and I have attended many) are gothic, moody, loud, and frankly, disconnected. Uncomfortable. Preoccupied with power games.

I have a feeling that many of us (especially those outside of San Francisco, NY, and London) will just put up with this because , hey, any port in a storm, right? A space that's loud and aggressive where you can explore your sexuality is better than none at all, right? It's kind of like staying with your cranky girlfriend because she's the kinkiest person you ever met. Wouldn't it be nice if you could have the kinky without the cranky?

I've been to two "public" parties that fit this description - Chemistry in NYC, and Kinky Salon in SF. Well, and the Rubber Ball in London, but that was a whole different spectacle.

Chemistry had a nice vibe, with dedicated spaces for play and some movies playing, a strictly invitation only guest list, and a funky DJ. People were fun, a nice mix of kinksters and burners and swingers.

Kinky Salon is a one-of-a-kind social experiment and surrealist sex fiasco. It's costumed, absurdist, participatory, sexy mayhem. There's so much energy flying around that it's almost hard to navigate. Great music, and a fully immersive environment, co-created by the amazing Professor Violet and Polly Superstar.

Both of these spaces challenged me to open up on a whole new level, something I've never felt at a Fetish or BDSM night. I'm showing my bias here, but it seems to me that fetish nights are like play-acting around old, established dynamics, and Kinky Salon is about challenging yourself to open up to a whole new emotional experience. People aren't just fucking, they are fucking *connecting*.

And they happen to be dressed as fluffy pink bunnies, and pizzas, and Jesus.

If that isn't radical self expression, I don't know what is. I'm just saying.. I like it. I like it a lot. I tip my tiny red hat to those who are actively creating and participating in these spaces. Thank you.